My fall classes start in.....5 weeks. Am I ready? Yes and no. Yes, I am ready for the routine, ready to get this journey back underway, ready to have things to occupy my mind and time with. What am I not ready for, then, you ask? Drama. Not ready for that. Don't want it, either.
I was just thinking about what I would want from this semester, in a perfect world, and the first thing that came to my mind was "thought-provoking". On the surface, that sounds wonderful but then again, this is also one of those things where it is prudent to remember to be careful what you wish for. I can think of a few provocative moments (well, I guess I should clarify and say THOUGHT provocative) from the spring semester that left me thinking....what the hell? Maybe I should just wish for clarity.
Only 6 months until we are free to move. That's not to say that we will be moving in exactly 6 months, it just means that in 6 months we are FREE to do so. I'm so looking forward to the day where I can go to Omaha to look for houses, and Dan can put in for transfer. I have mixed feelings about moving further east, but honestly.....it's not like anyone comes to visit us anyway, ever. It really doesn't matter where I go or what I do from anyone else's standpoint, so I might as well do what makes me happy, right?
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Really?
Wow. Has it really been since May, that I have visited this blog? I've been rather active on Facebook and on the Tumblr....but even more busy just doing ordinary summer stuff.
My summer has gone from idyllic to chaotic thanks to an idiot teenager. There's no way to gloss it over, so I just won't. I don't get the whole entitlement mentality that kids these days seem to have. They all think that everyone owes them something. Well, I am here to tell you that I don't owe anyone shit. That includes my kid who seems to be also suffering from this entitlement affliction. As far as I'm concerned, he has everything he needs. The law dictates that a parent must provide a minor child with food, appropriate clothing, necessary medical care, and shelter from the elements. THAT'S ALL. The law does NOT say "food you like" or "clothing that is cool or trendy that costs $$$". We live in a structure, so the housing is covered. We have health insurance so the kids can go to the doctor when they're sick--covered. I make dinner every night. The kids are responsible for breakfast and lunch, and to that end I have provided them with cereal, milk, bread, peanut butter, jelly, and occasionally ham and cheese for sandwiches. I buy fruit every now and then too. The teenager who thinks the world owes him something seems to feel like he needs a hot cooked meal 3 times a day....to which I have told him GO FOR IT. On your own money, not mine. I can't afford to cater to someone's damn caviar dreams. Nor do I want to, when their attitude sucks daily. Hell no.
I'm recovering from pneumonia....I hope, lol. Who the hell gets pneumonia when it's 100 degrees? Well, somehow it happened and it's been pretty crappy to tell you the truth. But if there's one thing that I have learned well in life, it's how to be a fighter. I'll get through it.
My next class starts in just four days. It's a class I've been looking forward to since winter. The class lasts for 4 weeks, and then the fall semester will be almost upon us. What this means to me is that the time to move from this crappy town is getting closer and closer. I'm so ready. SO READY. This is a narrow minded place. People get all butthurt for the dumbest of reasons. If you disagree with someone, they get offended. Really? How boring would this world be, if we were all the same? I especially love (alert--SARCASM!) the people who insist that others should be open and accepting of their ideas and beliefs...but they don't have the balls to put their money where their mouth is and also be accepting of another person's ideas/beliefs. No, they'd rather try to make a big show out of how their way is the right way. Well, news flash. We're all different, so there IS no "right way". It's as simple as that. Everything is a personal choice, everyone has a different story and a different set of circumstances that will dictate how they respond and what choices they make. I could use myself as an example--I am a person who was raised from birth to be very independent and to be responsible for many things. My upbringing has helped to define much of who I am today. I'm very, very independent. Luckily, I met--and married--someone who understands and appreciates this about me. My husband recognized my independence right away when we met, and found it attractive. He was raised by a very independent, career-driven, capable mother. He gets it! But I can tell you right now......most people DON'T get it. I am smothered and stifled by dependency. (Incidentally, the great majority of people here in North Platte, mostly women, are of the dependent variety. They just are. It is what it is.) I do have a few friends that totally get it, although admittedly a great proportion of them are of the single male variety, not that that's a bad thing. Anyway, I'm looking forward to being back in an urban area where there is a greater degree of diversity. I'm definitely not a small-town kind of person, this much I have learned about myself while spending the past 8 years in this town. I'm ready to rock and roll, to move on to the next chapter of my life, the career chapter. I've been looking forward to this for what seems like forever, and it's finally almost here. Onward!
My summer has gone from idyllic to chaotic thanks to an idiot teenager. There's no way to gloss it over, so I just won't. I don't get the whole entitlement mentality that kids these days seem to have. They all think that everyone owes them something. Well, I am here to tell you that I don't owe anyone shit. That includes my kid who seems to be also suffering from this entitlement affliction. As far as I'm concerned, he has everything he needs. The law dictates that a parent must provide a minor child with food, appropriate clothing, necessary medical care, and shelter from the elements. THAT'S ALL. The law does NOT say "food you like" or "clothing that is cool or trendy that costs $$$". We live in a structure, so the housing is covered. We have health insurance so the kids can go to the doctor when they're sick--covered. I make dinner every night. The kids are responsible for breakfast and lunch, and to that end I have provided them with cereal, milk, bread, peanut butter, jelly, and occasionally ham and cheese for sandwiches. I buy fruit every now and then too. The teenager who thinks the world owes him something seems to feel like he needs a hot cooked meal 3 times a day....to which I have told him GO FOR IT. On your own money, not mine. I can't afford to cater to someone's damn caviar dreams. Nor do I want to, when their attitude sucks daily. Hell no.
I'm recovering from pneumonia....I hope, lol. Who the hell gets pneumonia when it's 100 degrees? Well, somehow it happened and it's been pretty crappy to tell you the truth. But if there's one thing that I have learned well in life, it's how to be a fighter. I'll get through it.
My next class starts in just four days. It's a class I've been looking forward to since winter. The class lasts for 4 weeks, and then the fall semester will be almost upon us. What this means to me is that the time to move from this crappy town is getting closer and closer. I'm so ready. SO READY. This is a narrow minded place. People get all butthurt for the dumbest of reasons. If you disagree with someone, they get offended. Really? How boring would this world be, if we were all the same? I especially love (alert--SARCASM!) the people who insist that others should be open and accepting of their ideas and beliefs...but they don't have the balls to put their money where their mouth is and also be accepting of another person's ideas/beliefs. No, they'd rather try to make a big show out of how their way is the right way. Well, news flash. We're all different, so there IS no "right way". It's as simple as that. Everything is a personal choice, everyone has a different story and a different set of circumstances that will dictate how they respond and what choices they make. I could use myself as an example--I am a person who was raised from birth to be very independent and to be responsible for many things. My upbringing has helped to define much of who I am today. I'm very, very independent. Luckily, I met--and married--someone who understands and appreciates this about me. My husband recognized my independence right away when we met, and found it attractive. He was raised by a very independent, career-driven, capable mother. He gets it! But I can tell you right now......most people DON'T get it. I am smothered and stifled by dependency. (Incidentally, the great majority of people here in North Platte, mostly women, are of the dependent variety. They just are. It is what it is.) I do have a few friends that totally get it, although admittedly a great proportion of them are of the single male variety, not that that's a bad thing. Anyway, I'm looking forward to being back in an urban area where there is a greater degree of diversity. I'm definitely not a small-town kind of person, this much I have learned about myself while spending the past 8 years in this town. I'm ready to rock and roll, to move on to the next chapter of my life, the career chapter. I've been looking forward to this for what seems like forever, and it's finally almost here. Onward!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Summer
So far, Summer '11 has been pretty......uneventful.
I like to think that this is a good thing. I was looking forward to a laid-back summer, a time to refresh and rejuvenate after a long, stressful school year. I have summer classes right now, but so far they aren't terribly taxing. This has left me with a lot of time to think.
I've been kind of sick, though. I'm battling a vicious infection right now, but I'm finally gaining the upper hand. This is a good thing, because this illness has been miserable and painful enough to make me want to punch holes in walls. Seriously. Not kidding at all. It's been that bad--but I'm finally at the point where I think I'm on the downhill slope of this thing. Thank God!
I'm still working on the whole discipline thing, and I'm not doing too badly. There is a lot more that I wish I WAS doing, but to be honest I am waiting until I feel less like shit. Then, I will implement the rest of my plan which includes more exercise and definitely more swimming. I've had to wrap my knee this summer, so I will be leaning heavily toward the swimming. I wish the park would dry out more. I want to play frisbee golf. That part of the park is pretty swampy still towards the pond, so I'm going to set that idea aside until a little later in the summer. My biggest accomplishment so far has to be my diet change. My last blood results sucked! Very vitamin/mineral deficient amongst other things. So my solution has been to bump up the veggies and fish and I've pretty much eliminated red meat altogether. I also rarely go over 400 calories a meal now because I've cut the hell out of my portion size. I keep telling myself that this is going to pay off. I'm not doing this for vanity, I'm doing it for health. There are things I want to accomplish in life and I want to be around to do it.
I went through 2 boxes of random stuff today and sorted for yard sale/giveaway/trash. This process will be ongoing until I go through everything, which will probably take the better part of the summer. But when I leave for Omaha, there is no way in hell I am taking all this crap with me. No one helps me clean it or put it away, so why bother? I just don't have time and I would prefer the simplicity, truly.
I am thoroughly enjoying my reading this summer. I am finishing "The Varieties of Religious Experience" and starting on "A History of God". My Comparative Religions class starts in July, and I just received the required texts...looks like I will be studying Judaism, Buddhism, and Islam in-depth. The study of Islam will be a nice segue into my Fall history class....that I am truly so looking forward to.
I like to think that this is a good thing. I was looking forward to a laid-back summer, a time to refresh and rejuvenate after a long, stressful school year. I have summer classes right now, but so far they aren't terribly taxing. This has left me with a lot of time to think.
I've been kind of sick, though. I'm battling a vicious infection right now, but I'm finally gaining the upper hand. This is a good thing, because this illness has been miserable and painful enough to make me want to punch holes in walls. Seriously. Not kidding at all. It's been that bad--but I'm finally at the point where I think I'm on the downhill slope of this thing. Thank God!
I'm still working on the whole discipline thing, and I'm not doing too badly. There is a lot more that I wish I WAS doing, but to be honest I am waiting until I feel less like shit. Then, I will implement the rest of my plan which includes more exercise and definitely more swimming. I've had to wrap my knee this summer, so I will be leaning heavily toward the swimming. I wish the park would dry out more. I want to play frisbee golf. That part of the park is pretty swampy still towards the pond, so I'm going to set that idea aside until a little later in the summer. My biggest accomplishment so far has to be my diet change. My last blood results sucked! Very vitamin/mineral deficient amongst other things. So my solution has been to bump up the veggies and fish and I've pretty much eliminated red meat altogether. I also rarely go over 400 calories a meal now because I've cut the hell out of my portion size. I keep telling myself that this is going to pay off. I'm not doing this for vanity, I'm doing it for health. There are things I want to accomplish in life and I want to be around to do it.
I went through 2 boxes of random stuff today and sorted for yard sale/giveaway/trash. This process will be ongoing until I go through everything, which will probably take the better part of the summer. But when I leave for Omaha, there is no way in hell I am taking all this crap with me. No one helps me clean it or put it away, so why bother? I just don't have time and I would prefer the simplicity, truly.
I am thoroughly enjoying my reading this summer. I am finishing "The Varieties of Religious Experience" and starting on "A History of God". My Comparative Religions class starts in July, and I just received the required texts...looks like I will be studying Judaism, Buddhism, and Islam in-depth. The study of Islam will be a nice segue into my Fall history class....that I am truly so looking forward to.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
If wishes were fishes....these things would be mine. Right now. :)
The Pacific ocean, rolling up on a sandy beach on a warm summer day.
A tall glass of fresh orange juice, with some whole grain toast, eaten on the patio in the early morning.
Knowing someone’s flaws and quirks and realizing that you cherish them not just despite those things but because of them, as well.
The fresh evergreen smell and soft carpet of pine needles underfoot, on a mountain hike.
A roaring fire, soft blanket, and a fine work of literature on a cold night.
A walk down a carnival midway on a midsummer’s night.
The indescribable joy of sharing all the things you love with someone who loves them as much as you do.
San Francisco, and a fresh seafood dinner eaten on the pier.
Wine tasting and a quaint bed and breakfast in Napa.
The hushed, reverent feeling of a well-appointed library.
The moment when you’re driving through the mountains and suddenly, the ocean appears!
The wind blowing through your hair on a summer road trip.
The sand under your feet, and the sounds of the boardwalk, like music to your ears.
A carefree drive through the canyons, in a convertible.
Building a fire on the beach at Pacific City and watching the dories come in.
A brilliant sunset, as beautiful to behold in the Sandhills of Nebraska as it is setting on the ocean.
Knowing that the most powerful mental, physical, and emotional connections take place in the mind.
The beautiful moment when a forest trail leads into a clearing…with a deep blue lake.
A mug of hot buttered rum at a holiday gathering on a cold night.
A night at the symphony or a play…on the arm of someone you adore.
Holiday lights, as seen from your car window on a late night drive.
A hot day, a cold lake, a fast boat, and some waterskis.
17 Mile drive, and cypress trees in Carmel.
Jazz music by candlelight.
Piano by candlelight will work, too.
Dreams of faraway locales and knowing you’d be there in a heartbeat if given the opportunity.
Never losing hope that someday, sublime joy will be yours.
A tall glass of fresh orange juice, with some whole grain toast, eaten on the patio in the early morning.
Knowing someone’s flaws and quirks and realizing that you cherish them not just despite those things but because of them, as well.
The fresh evergreen smell and soft carpet of pine needles underfoot, on a mountain hike.
A roaring fire, soft blanket, and a fine work of literature on a cold night.
A walk down a carnival midway on a midsummer’s night.
The indescribable joy of sharing all the things you love with someone who loves them as much as you do.
San Francisco, and a fresh seafood dinner eaten on the pier.
Wine tasting and a quaint bed and breakfast in Napa.
The hushed, reverent feeling of a well-appointed library.
The moment when you’re driving through the mountains and suddenly, the ocean appears!
The wind blowing through your hair on a summer road trip.
The sand under your feet, and the sounds of the boardwalk, like music to your ears.
A carefree drive through the canyons, in a convertible.
Building a fire on the beach at Pacific City and watching the dories come in.
A brilliant sunset, as beautiful to behold in the Sandhills of Nebraska as it is setting on the ocean.
Knowing that the most powerful mental, physical, and emotional connections take place in the mind.
The beautiful moment when a forest trail leads into a clearing…with a deep blue lake.
A mug of hot buttered rum at a holiday gathering on a cold night.
A night at the symphony or a play…on the arm of someone you adore.
Holiday lights, as seen from your car window on a late night drive.
A hot day, a cold lake, a fast boat, and some waterskis.
17 Mile drive, and cypress trees in Carmel.
Jazz music by candlelight.
Piano by candlelight will work, too.
Dreams of faraway locales and knowing you’d be there in a heartbeat if given the opportunity.
Never losing hope that someday, sublime joy will be yours.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
A summer resolution?
I started to debate with myself, internally, whether it was a good idea to start contemplating things this late at night. I have class tomorrow and so much studying to do. But....I just finished taking my final exam in International Food Policy and I am still a bit keyed up, so hey--why not. Maybe this will lull me into the relaxed state that I need to be in order to get some sleep.
So I've been thinking a lot about goals. Goals of all kinds....short term, long term, whatever. I have come to the conclusion that the goal I want to work towards most is.....DISCIPLINE.
I have a hell of a time with discipline. Why? Because I am very self-indulgent. It's a flaw, I know. A weakness. There are things that I would love to finally accomplish but my lack of discipline and overabundance of self-indulgence is getting in the way. Academically I know this, but it is so damn hard to change. I really want to do this, however. I am so fascinated and envious of those people who have impeccable control and discipline. How on earth do they manage telling themselves no, denying themselves of pleasures--it has to be hard, sometimes even excruciating. I don't like telling myself no. If I want something, I generally think I should have it. Unless of course it's some crazy ass absurd thing, I might be undisciplined but I'm not an idiot and I'm not nuts!
It's frustrating to me that I am really good at so many things, but discipline is just not one of them....not yet, anyway. (Gotta think positive.) Common sense? Check. Rationality? Check. Discretion? Oh hell yes. Discipline? That's a negative. And it's frustrating. There are many things I would like to accomplish and many things I would like to revisit and self discipline really is the key to all of them. I think the hardest part of all this is, I have to walk this path alone. My husband, God love him, isn't the most self-disciplined person. He is a hard worker with a calm demeanor and a lot of common sense, but he is pretty self-indulgent too. But even if he were disciplined, would he be able to walk me through this and keep me inspired? Doubtful. I doubt it, for the same reasons why he has told me time and time again that he cannot help me with other problems. "You're too strong", he says. "You're too independent. I can't do anything for you that you can't do for yourself." This is something he has told me over and over, and it peeves me--but he is totally right. I pretty much CAN do anything for myself, and it takes a very strong person to lead someone like me and hold me accountable. So generally, that magical person never exists...which means I do this alone. Wouldn't it be awesome if I could tell myself, by the end of the summer, that I accomplished this goal? It would be sweet indeed.
(I wrote this last night....and didn't publish it. Today I decided to go ahead and let it rip. lol)
So I've been thinking a lot about goals. Goals of all kinds....short term, long term, whatever. I have come to the conclusion that the goal I want to work towards most is.....DISCIPLINE.
I have a hell of a time with discipline. Why? Because I am very self-indulgent. It's a flaw, I know. A weakness. There are things that I would love to finally accomplish but my lack of discipline and overabundance of self-indulgence is getting in the way. Academically I know this, but it is so damn hard to change. I really want to do this, however. I am so fascinated and envious of those people who have impeccable control and discipline. How on earth do they manage telling themselves no, denying themselves of pleasures--it has to be hard, sometimes even excruciating. I don't like telling myself no. If I want something, I generally think I should have it. Unless of course it's some crazy ass absurd thing, I might be undisciplined but I'm not an idiot and I'm not nuts!
It's frustrating to me that I am really good at so many things, but discipline is just not one of them....not yet, anyway. (Gotta think positive.) Common sense? Check. Rationality? Check. Discretion? Oh hell yes. Discipline? That's a negative. And it's frustrating. There are many things I would like to accomplish and many things I would like to revisit and self discipline really is the key to all of them. I think the hardest part of all this is, I have to walk this path alone. My husband, God love him, isn't the most self-disciplined person. He is a hard worker with a calm demeanor and a lot of common sense, but he is pretty self-indulgent too. But even if he were disciplined, would he be able to walk me through this and keep me inspired? Doubtful. I doubt it, for the same reasons why he has told me time and time again that he cannot help me with other problems. "You're too strong", he says. "You're too independent. I can't do anything for you that you can't do for yourself." This is something he has told me over and over, and it peeves me--but he is totally right. I pretty much CAN do anything for myself, and it takes a very strong person to lead someone like me and hold me accountable. So generally, that magical person never exists...which means I do this alone. Wouldn't it be awesome if I could tell myself, by the end of the summer, that I accomplished this goal? It would be sweet indeed.
(I wrote this last night....and didn't publish it. Today I decided to go ahead and let it rip. lol)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Blogging again.
I've decided to start writing here again, periodically.
I deleted most of my previous posts, almost 2 months ago. Why? It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things....I did what I needed to do at the time. That being said, the tone of this blog will likely be much different from this point forward. I seriously considered deleting this blog altogether, but ultimately decided to scale it back and take it in a different direction. I hope.
I will be posting fewer personal updates, but probably more original poetry. A creative outlet, if you will. Enjoy.
I deleted most of my previous posts, almost 2 months ago. Why? It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things....I did what I needed to do at the time. That being said, the tone of this blog will likely be much different from this point forward. I seriously considered deleting this blog altogether, but ultimately decided to scale it back and take it in a different direction. I hope.
I will be posting fewer personal updates, but probably more original poetry. A creative outlet, if you will. Enjoy.
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