So far, Summer '11 has been pretty......uneventful.
I like to think that this is a good thing. I was looking forward to a laid-back summer, a time to refresh and rejuvenate after a long, stressful school year. I have summer classes right now, but so far they aren't terribly taxing. This has left me with a lot of time to think.
I've been kind of sick, though. I'm battling a vicious infection right now, but I'm finally gaining the upper hand. This is a good thing, because this illness has been miserable and painful enough to make me want to punch holes in walls. Seriously. Not kidding at all. It's been that bad--but I'm finally at the point where I think I'm on the downhill slope of this thing. Thank God!
I'm still working on the whole discipline thing, and I'm not doing too badly. There is a lot more that I wish I WAS doing, but to be honest I am waiting until I feel less like shit. Then, I will implement the rest of my plan which includes more exercise and definitely more swimming. I've had to wrap my knee this summer, so I will be leaning heavily toward the swimming. I wish the park would dry out more. I want to play frisbee golf. That part of the park is pretty swampy still towards the pond, so I'm going to set that idea aside until a little later in the summer. My biggest accomplishment so far has to be my diet change. My last blood results sucked! Very vitamin/mineral deficient amongst other things. So my solution has been to bump up the veggies and fish and I've pretty much eliminated red meat altogether. I also rarely go over 400 calories a meal now because I've cut the hell out of my portion size. I keep telling myself that this is going to pay off. I'm not doing this for vanity, I'm doing it for health. There are things I want to accomplish in life and I want to be around to do it.
I went through 2 boxes of random stuff today and sorted for yard sale/giveaway/trash. This process will be ongoing until I go through everything, which will probably take the better part of the summer. But when I leave for Omaha, there is no way in hell I am taking all this crap with me. No one helps me clean it or put it away, so why bother? I just don't have time and I would prefer the simplicity, truly.
I am thoroughly enjoying my reading this summer. I am finishing "The Varieties of Religious Experience" and starting on "A History of God". My Comparative Religions class starts in July, and I just received the required texts...looks like I will be studying Judaism, Buddhism, and Islam in-depth. The study of Islam will be a nice segue into my Fall history class....that I am truly so looking forward to.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
If wishes were fishes....these things would be mine. Right now. :)
The Pacific ocean, rolling up on a sandy beach on a warm summer day.
A tall glass of fresh orange juice, with some whole grain toast, eaten on the patio in the early morning.
Knowing someone’s flaws and quirks and realizing that you cherish them not just despite those things but because of them, as well.
The fresh evergreen smell and soft carpet of pine needles underfoot, on a mountain hike.
A roaring fire, soft blanket, and a fine work of literature on a cold night.
A walk down a carnival midway on a midsummer’s night.
The indescribable joy of sharing all the things you love with someone who loves them as much as you do.
San Francisco, and a fresh seafood dinner eaten on the pier.
Wine tasting and a quaint bed and breakfast in Napa.
The hushed, reverent feeling of a well-appointed library.
The moment when you’re driving through the mountains and suddenly, the ocean appears!
The wind blowing through your hair on a summer road trip.
The sand under your feet, and the sounds of the boardwalk, like music to your ears.
A carefree drive through the canyons, in a convertible.
Building a fire on the beach at Pacific City and watching the dories come in.
A brilliant sunset, as beautiful to behold in the Sandhills of Nebraska as it is setting on the ocean.
Knowing that the most powerful mental, physical, and emotional connections take place in the mind.
The beautiful moment when a forest trail leads into a clearing…with a deep blue lake.
A mug of hot buttered rum at a holiday gathering on a cold night.
A night at the symphony or a play…on the arm of someone you adore.
Holiday lights, as seen from your car window on a late night drive.
A hot day, a cold lake, a fast boat, and some waterskis.
17 Mile drive, and cypress trees in Carmel.
Jazz music by candlelight.
Piano by candlelight will work, too.
Dreams of faraway locales and knowing you’d be there in a heartbeat if given the opportunity.
Never losing hope that someday, sublime joy will be yours.
A tall glass of fresh orange juice, with some whole grain toast, eaten on the patio in the early morning.
Knowing someone’s flaws and quirks and realizing that you cherish them not just despite those things but because of them, as well.
The fresh evergreen smell and soft carpet of pine needles underfoot, on a mountain hike.
A roaring fire, soft blanket, and a fine work of literature on a cold night.
A walk down a carnival midway on a midsummer’s night.
The indescribable joy of sharing all the things you love with someone who loves them as much as you do.
San Francisco, and a fresh seafood dinner eaten on the pier.
Wine tasting and a quaint bed and breakfast in Napa.
The hushed, reverent feeling of a well-appointed library.
The moment when you’re driving through the mountains and suddenly, the ocean appears!
The wind blowing through your hair on a summer road trip.
The sand under your feet, and the sounds of the boardwalk, like music to your ears.
A carefree drive through the canyons, in a convertible.
Building a fire on the beach at Pacific City and watching the dories come in.
A brilliant sunset, as beautiful to behold in the Sandhills of Nebraska as it is setting on the ocean.
Knowing that the most powerful mental, physical, and emotional connections take place in the mind.
The beautiful moment when a forest trail leads into a clearing…with a deep blue lake.
A mug of hot buttered rum at a holiday gathering on a cold night.
A night at the symphony or a play…on the arm of someone you adore.
Holiday lights, as seen from your car window on a late night drive.
A hot day, a cold lake, a fast boat, and some waterskis.
17 Mile drive, and cypress trees in Carmel.
Jazz music by candlelight.
Piano by candlelight will work, too.
Dreams of faraway locales and knowing you’d be there in a heartbeat if given the opportunity.
Never losing hope that someday, sublime joy will be yours.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
A summer resolution?
I started to debate with myself, internally, whether it was a good idea to start contemplating things this late at night. I have class tomorrow and so much studying to do. But....I just finished taking my final exam in International Food Policy and I am still a bit keyed up, so hey--why not. Maybe this will lull me into the relaxed state that I need to be in order to get some sleep.
So I've been thinking a lot about goals. Goals of all kinds....short term, long term, whatever. I have come to the conclusion that the goal I want to work towards most is.....DISCIPLINE.
I have a hell of a time with discipline. Why? Because I am very self-indulgent. It's a flaw, I know. A weakness. There are things that I would love to finally accomplish but my lack of discipline and overabundance of self-indulgence is getting in the way. Academically I know this, but it is so damn hard to change. I really want to do this, however. I am so fascinated and envious of those people who have impeccable control and discipline. How on earth do they manage telling themselves no, denying themselves of pleasures--it has to be hard, sometimes even excruciating. I don't like telling myself no. If I want something, I generally think I should have it. Unless of course it's some crazy ass absurd thing, I might be undisciplined but I'm not an idiot and I'm not nuts!
It's frustrating to me that I am really good at so many things, but discipline is just not one of them....not yet, anyway. (Gotta think positive.) Common sense? Check. Rationality? Check. Discretion? Oh hell yes. Discipline? That's a negative. And it's frustrating. There are many things I would like to accomplish and many things I would like to revisit and self discipline really is the key to all of them. I think the hardest part of all this is, I have to walk this path alone. My husband, God love him, isn't the most self-disciplined person. He is a hard worker with a calm demeanor and a lot of common sense, but he is pretty self-indulgent too. But even if he were disciplined, would he be able to walk me through this and keep me inspired? Doubtful. I doubt it, for the same reasons why he has told me time and time again that he cannot help me with other problems. "You're too strong", he says. "You're too independent. I can't do anything for you that you can't do for yourself." This is something he has told me over and over, and it peeves me--but he is totally right. I pretty much CAN do anything for myself, and it takes a very strong person to lead someone like me and hold me accountable. So generally, that magical person never exists...which means I do this alone. Wouldn't it be awesome if I could tell myself, by the end of the summer, that I accomplished this goal? It would be sweet indeed.
(I wrote this last night....and didn't publish it. Today I decided to go ahead and let it rip. lol)
So I've been thinking a lot about goals. Goals of all kinds....short term, long term, whatever. I have come to the conclusion that the goal I want to work towards most is.....DISCIPLINE.
I have a hell of a time with discipline. Why? Because I am very self-indulgent. It's a flaw, I know. A weakness. There are things that I would love to finally accomplish but my lack of discipline and overabundance of self-indulgence is getting in the way. Academically I know this, but it is so damn hard to change. I really want to do this, however. I am so fascinated and envious of those people who have impeccable control and discipline. How on earth do they manage telling themselves no, denying themselves of pleasures--it has to be hard, sometimes even excruciating. I don't like telling myself no. If I want something, I generally think I should have it. Unless of course it's some crazy ass absurd thing, I might be undisciplined but I'm not an idiot and I'm not nuts!
It's frustrating to me that I am really good at so many things, but discipline is just not one of them....not yet, anyway. (Gotta think positive.) Common sense? Check. Rationality? Check. Discretion? Oh hell yes. Discipline? That's a negative. And it's frustrating. There are many things I would like to accomplish and many things I would like to revisit and self discipline really is the key to all of them. I think the hardest part of all this is, I have to walk this path alone. My husband, God love him, isn't the most self-disciplined person. He is a hard worker with a calm demeanor and a lot of common sense, but he is pretty self-indulgent too. But even if he were disciplined, would he be able to walk me through this and keep me inspired? Doubtful. I doubt it, for the same reasons why he has told me time and time again that he cannot help me with other problems. "You're too strong", he says. "You're too independent. I can't do anything for you that you can't do for yourself." This is something he has told me over and over, and it peeves me--but he is totally right. I pretty much CAN do anything for myself, and it takes a very strong person to lead someone like me and hold me accountable. So generally, that magical person never exists...which means I do this alone. Wouldn't it be awesome if I could tell myself, by the end of the summer, that I accomplished this goal? It would be sweet indeed.
(I wrote this last night....and didn't publish it. Today I decided to go ahead and let it rip. lol)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Blogging again.
I've decided to start writing here again, periodically.
I deleted most of my previous posts, almost 2 months ago. Why? It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things....I did what I needed to do at the time. That being said, the tone of this blog will likely be much different from this point forward. I seriously considered deleting this blog altogether, but ultimately decided to scale it back and take it in a different direction. I hope.
I will be posting fewer personal updates, but probably more original poetry. A creative outlet, if you will. Enjoy.
I deleted most of my previous posts, almost 2 months ago. Why? It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things....I did what I needed to do at the time. That being said, the tone of this blog will likely be much different from this point forward. I seriously considered deleting this blog altogether, but ultimately decided to scale it back and take it in a different direction. I hope.
I will be posting fewer personal updates, but probably more original poetry. A creative outlet, if you will. Enjoy.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Random statement day!
Random statements for the day......take them as you wish. They might be meant for you. Or not. You be the judge.
1. Take some freaking cough medicine already.
2. Fun is what you make it.
3. Sometimes being direct really works. REALLY. Probably better than you had imagined.
4. Yes, yes....and yes. I'm waiting.
5. Just because someone is related to you doesn't make them "family". I think we are all related to a bunch of douchebags if we're being honest. You don't get to pick them before you're born but you can pick them now.
6. I can't think of a single thing that I would deny.
7. You play you pay. That advice pissed me off when I was 16 but there's plenty of truth in it.
8. Sometimes it's more fun to ignore what appears to be contradictory.
And that will be all. :)
1. Take some freaking cough medicine already.
2. Fun is what you make it.
3. Sometimes being direct really works. REALLY. Probably better than you had imagined.
4. Yes, yes....and yes. I'm waiting.
5. Just because someone is related to you doesn't make them "family". I think we are all related to a bunch of douchebags if we're being honest. You don't get to pick them before you're born but you can pick them now.
6. I can't think of a single thing that I would deny.
7. You play you pay. That advice pissed me off when I was 16 but there's plenty of truth in it.
8. Sometimes it's more fun to ignore what appears to be contradictory.
And that will be all. :)
Saturday, April 2, 2011
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